My Divided Heart

“Now the word of the LORD came to me saying,
‘Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
And before you were born I consecrated you;
I appointed you a prophet to the nations.’
“Then I said, ‘Ah, Lord God! Truly I do not know how to speak, for I am only a boy.”
--Jeremiah 1:4-6 NRSB
I totally understand Jeremiah’s reluctance to answer God’s call. A Sunday school teacher tried to talk me into entering the ministry when I was 15, but I avowed my resistance. Preachers are the most uncool people I know. They are the perpetual party-poopers, the messengers of doom and gloom. Preachers always wore severe black suits and seldom smiled. You didn’t want a preacher with you when you were having any fun.
When the preacher came, you had to hide your magazines and pizza boxes, and clean up your house. You did not want this man to observe you in the process of living and enjoying life. You had to put up a polite front before the man in the cheap black suit and hope he would go away soon.
But God’s call cannot be resisted, although just about everybody in the Old Testament who received it tried to do just that—See Isaiah 6, and Exodus 4. Jeremiah’s message isn’t one of those health-and-wealth platitudes often heard from modern pulpits. He has to confront the people for their sins and announce God’s judgment. God was completely through with his people as a kingdom. Jeremiah wouldn’t have been invited to speak at the lectureship in Abilene or Pepperdine. He didn’t win many converts, so he wouldn’t have been a favorite among the church growth folks.
So weary did Jeremiah grow with his ministry that he dreams of a career change, runing an inn in the desert: Jeremiah 9:2. Dealing with the weary and weird in the middle of the night would be preferable to facing hostile crowds each time he stood up to preach. I’ve been there; may be there now, as I’m exploring counseling opportunities as well as pulpit openings.
Frustrated as all preachers grow with the pulpit, we carry its burden.
“For whenever I speak, I must cry out,
I must shout, “Violence and destruction!”
For the word of the LORD has become for me
a reproach and derision all day long.
If I say, “I will not mention him, or speak any more in his name,”
then within me there is something like a burning fire shut up in my bones;
I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot.”
--Jeremiah 20:80-9.
Brotherhood preachers are shy about the concept of “the call.” We pass around the old joke about the man who saw the clouds spell out the letters “G” and “P.” He assumed it meant “go preach,” but when they heard him, the people said he should have read it, “go plow.” The call is real, however it comes to you. You cannot resist it. However, God offers the reassurance that He will be with you: “Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you, says the LORD.”
You’ll likely emerge from the experience scarred and weary, but it’s something you must do, and can take satisfaction in doing your part in trying to make things better. That’s why I keep doing it.